{"id":397,"date":"2010-01-11T16:57:45","date_gmt":"2010-01-11T21:57:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/?p=397"},"modified":"2010-01-11T16:57:45","modified_gmt":"2010-01-11T21:57:45","slug":"signed-the-dog-complete-collectors-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/2010\/01\/11\/signed-the-dog-complete-collectors-edition\/","title":{"rendered":"Signed, The Dog (Complete Collector’s Edition)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"He's<\/a> Presented for your amusement, and\/or for you to poop on, the complete collection (to date) of “Signed, the dog” tweets… hehe… I said “dog tweets”… by which of course I refer to all the Twitter posts made from the perspective of an idealized amalgam of our various dogs… (the dates link to the original Twitter entry)
<\/p>\n

\n

Why yes, I AM ignoring you. I just didn’t think “Farty McPiss-Bag” was a name I should respond to. –signed, the dog.
\nSat Jan 02 16:53 <\/a><\/p>\n

Thanks, but I don’t need the whole bed, just the part where your legs are… –signed, the dog.
\nFri Jan 01 16:38 <\/a><\/p>\n

“Walk this way”? If I could walk THAT way I wouldn’t NEED the other two legs. –signed, the dog.
\nThu Dec 31 17:08: <\/a><\/p>\n

What d’ya mean “if you were a font, you’d be Dingbat”? What a thing to say. I resemble that remark. –signed, the dog.
\nTue Dec 29 21:14 <\/a><\/p>\n

Rabbit poop? I don’t know… tastes a little like chicken… –signed, the dog
\nThu Dec 17 21:42 <\/a><\/p>\n

\"Lucy<\/a><\/p>\n

It’s called “Making Flippy Floppy”, not “Give Your Head a Shake” –signed, the dog, a Talking Heads fan apparently. http:\/\/tinysong.com\/8Is2<\/a>
\nThu Nov 12 21 <\/a><\/p>\n

Okay, can I kill him AFTER he’s finished installing new outlets in the garage? –signed, the dog
\nThu Nov 12 15:59 <\/a><\/p>\n

I don’t care if there’s downstairs water… I’m thirsty for UPSTAIRS water. –signed, the dog.
\nWed Nov 11 23:23 <\/a><\/p>\n

Stay for how long, exactly? The trouble with “stay” is there’s very little wiggle room. I’m all about the wiggle room. –signed, the dog.
\nMon Nov 09 15:31 <\/a><\/p>\n

What, I should not do that now, too? I thought you meant I should not do that, just at that moment… –signed, the dog.
\nMon Nov 09 05:33 <\/a><\/p>\n

\"Dog<\/a><\/p>\n

Hey, it’s MY tennis ball hanging from the garage ceiling: my first thought was not “parking aid”, it was “YAY, NEW GAME” –signed, the dog.
\nThu Nov 05 23:01 <\/a><\/p>\n

Dude, just open the door. You can stay here. I’ll take mySELF for a walk. No big deal. –signed, the dog. (umm, no)
\nWed Nov 04 03:11 <\/a><\/p>\n

Who you callin’ a son-of-a-bitch? Oh yeah. Never mind. –signed, the dog.
\nWed Oct 28 18:47 <\/a><\/p>\n

Thanks for putting down that freshly laundered rug… for me to poop on! –signed, the dog (who thinks he’s “Triumph the Insult Comic Dog”)
\nMon Oct 26 01:43 <\/a><\/p>\n

Where’s the Smell Key on this thing? Trust a human to design a keyboard with no Smell Key. How do I type smells? Jeez… –signed, the dog.
\nSun Oct 25 03:08 <\/a><\/p>\n

Come ON, let me post something, I promise it won’t be about you, kibble boy. Trust me, you’re not that interesting. –signed, the dog.
\nSun Oct 25 02:19 <\/a><\/p>\n

\"116-1673_Lucy\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My Indian name is Buttsniffer. –signed, the dog.
\nTue Oct 20 12:51 <\/a><\/p>\n

PLEASE don’t pave the gravel zone! There’s a reason they call it PEE gravel. They don’t call it “pee cement” now do they? –signed, the dog.
\nTue Oct 20 01:51 <\/a><\/p>\n

I’m licking your elbow ’cause I can’t reach your face… now get down here and gimme a big kiss! –signed, the dog. [um, no, but thanks]
\nMon Oct 19 18:21 <\/a><\/p>\n

How do I know? I just KNOW, that’s how I know. It’s noon, so make with the lunch already! –signed, the dog.
\nMon Oct 19 15:46 <\/a><\/p>\n

I vant to leeek your face. Leeek. Leeek. –signed, the dog, in his best Boris Karloff voice.
\nMon Oct 19 00:45 <\/a><\/p>\n

Because nice things are boring. THAT’S why I wreck everything. –signed, the dog.
\nSun Oct 18 21:27 <\/a><\/p>\n

Ruth, Ruth, Ruth Ruth. –signed, the dog.
\nSat Oct 17 22:11: <\/a><\/p>\n

Boundaries? Personal space? Sorry, not familiar. –signed, the dog.
\nFri Oct 16 16:24 <\/a><\/p>\n

As a matter of fact, I DID enjoy my dinner. Life’s too short to slow down for CHEWING, is all. –signed, the dog.
\nThu Oct 15 22:46 <\/a><\/p>\n

I got chunks of guys like you in my STOOL. –signed, the dog. (Also Phil Hartman as Frank Sinatra on SNL)
\nWed Oct 14 05:07 <\/a><\/p>\n

Er, no, I don’t think I WOULD like it if I stepped in YOUR poop for once… but thanks for asking. –signed, the dog.
\nTue Oct 13 03:47 <\/a><\/p>\n

\"Guard<\/a><\/p>\n

No, I do NOT find it ironic that I’m standing guard while sitting in a chair. –signed, the dog
\nFri Oct 09 21:19 <\/a><\/p>\n

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: I’m not deaf, I’m ignoring you. –signed, the dog.
\nThu Oct 01 17:14 <\/a><\/p>\n

Don’t even TRY to figure me out… I poop, therefore I am. –signed, the dog.
\nWed Sep 30 19:00 <\/a><\/p>\n

Strange people poking and prodding, shining lights at you… today I got my eyeball swabbed. I love going to the vet. — signed, the dog.
\nTue Sep 29 19:41 <\/a><\/p>\n

If I could “walk that way” I wouldn’t _need_ the extra two legs… badda-boom… signed, the dog (who thinks he’s a comedian).
\nTue Sep 29 15:56 <\/a><\/p>\n

I’m NOT afraid of thunder! I’m playing the “stick to your leg” game.Wait, don’t leave!! –signed, the dog.
\nTue Sep 29 01:42 <\/a><\/p>\n

She rang the doorbell!! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! — signed, the dog.
\nMon Sep 28 14:25 <\/a><\/p>\n

No, it’s not a political statement, I’m just clearing my throat: barack…barack… –signed, the dog.
\nMon Sep 28 00:22 <\/a><\/p>\n

\"Deep<\/a><\/p>\n

I’m not drooling, I’m dribbling… there IS a difference you know… –signed, the dog.
\nSun Sep 27 21:21 <\/a><\/p>\n

I lean against you, you shift over, I slide down to the warm spot where your butt just was… works every time! –signed, the dog.
\nSun Sep 27 17:02: <\/a><\/p>\n

Okay, maybe I DON’T know my ass from your elbow… that’s why I need to lick them BOTH… signed, the dog.
\nSun Sep 27 00:58 <\/a><\/p>\n

Well maybe your knee SHOULD bend that way. Anyway, it’s not MY fault you have a low pain threshold. –signed, the dog.
\nFri Sep 25 16:12 <\/a><\/p>\n

Look, MY job is to push the couch cushions onto the floor, and YOUR job is to put them back. I’ve done MY part. –signed, the dog.
\nFri Sep 25 04:43 <\/a><\/p>\n

But WHY can’t I put my butt on your pillow? It’s so COMFY! — signed the dog.
\nThu Sep 24 03:47 <\/a><\/p>\n

I just want to smell your face. No tongue, I promise. I’m not lying this time. — signed, the dog.
\nWed Sep 23 17:41 <\/a><\/p>\n

\"Tiger<\/a><\/p>\n

That’s a nice carpet. For me to poop on. — signed, the dog.
\nTue Sep 22 18:59 <\/a><\/p>\n

I didn’t say I wanted to go out for a pee. I just said I wanted to go out. I’ll pee next time. — signed, the dog.
\nTue Sep 22 05:47 <\/a><\/p>\n

You were outside without me? What were you doing? I’m gonna need to smell your shoes and your butt. –signed, the dog.
\nSun Sep 20 01:17 <\/a><\/p>\n

Just give me the damn treat already and stop asking me who’s a good dog! — signed, the dog.
\nFri Sep 18 02:14 <\/a><\/p>\n

\"Lucy<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Presented for your amusement, and\/or for you to poop on, the complete collection (to date) of “Signed, the dog” tweets… hehe… I said “dog tweets”… by which of course I refer to all the Twitter posts made from the perspective of an idealized amalgam of our various dogs… (the dates link to the original Twitter […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-397","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-internet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=397"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/397\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rgdaniel.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}