Category Archives: Humour

Beautiful as the Moon, now with big floating guy in the sky

When I was on my honeymoon in Killarney Provincial Park with my trophy wife Lynda, I took some photos, as one does. One of them, a photo of the full moon rising over the trees of Bell Lake, eventually became this photo:

Beautiful as the Moon... (redux)

It was very successful (by my standards anyway) on Flickr, and when it recently got another Fave, I decided to do a Goggle image search on it, as one does. It’s always fun to see who’s stealing photos for their own purposes. As one does. So this photo, a fully secular tribute to the full moon, so pagan you can almost hear me howling, got re-purposed into some kind of Hindu prayer talisman, or something. Of all things. The guy floating in the sky, needless to say, was added by others and does not meet with my approval.

Lynda said “why don’t you issue a take-down”. I said I’d be doing that every day, assuming I knew how and had endless funds to give to lawyers. Anyway I thought it was amusing. Here’s the link to the offending website, tagline “where devotion meets reality” LOL.

Bachmann-eyezed Bulldog

Republican presidential candidate and foot-long corn dog lover (that is to say, the corn dogs are a foot long; I think she’s a tad longer) recently appeared on the cover of Newsweek magazine. The photo drew some controversy for the, let’s call it, madcap gleam in her eyes:

Michelle Bachmanns eyes

Michelle Bachmann's eyes

This has sparked a meme of the kind I most enjoy, a meme involving using Photoshop to make one thing into another thing. In this case, the process has been dubbed “Bachmann-eyezing”. For examples, see .

Here then is my small contribution to the Bachmann-eyezed meme, a photo of our dear departed bulldog, Tiger, with that madcap gleam in her eyes.

Tiger Bachmann-eyezed

Tiger Bachmann-eyezed

No disrespect towards bulldogs is intended.

The lowdown on the blow down…

During the windiness event yesterday, a tree blew down on our shed. It was a dead tree, maybe 20 feet, about 10-12 inches at the base, but smaller as you go up… or as you go sideways, now…

No damage to the shed… the two main limbs came down inches on either side of the birdhouse on the peak of the shed, sparing it… it’s a MIRACLE, etc. etc… I cut the frikken miracle into manageable chunks with my bow saw and flung its ass into the corner, where it can just lie there all winter and think about what it’s done…

Stupid trees.

(Signed, The Dog) 2010 Tiger and Lucy Memorial Edition

Following on from the previously posted collection of these items (click here for that collection), and in honour of our recently departed friends Tiger and Lucy, who provided as much as half the inspiration for these quips, here once again, as Triumph the Insult-Comic Dog would say, "for you to poop on", my collection of this year’s "Signed, the Dog" status updates. This may be it for these, so enjoy.

Don’t call me slow. I just make different time-choices. –signed, the dog. (The slow one.)
Sun Jul 18, 2010

I’m not over-excited, you’re UNDER-excited, so ramp it up, two-legs! –signed, the dog.
Sat Jul 17, 2010

"And you will know me by the trail of poop". –signed, the dog.
Thu Jul 15, 2010

Of COURSE I’m not a-scared of no thunderstorm… I’m just sitting on your foot in case YOU’RE a-scared. –signed, the dog.
Tue Jul 13, 2010

You’re up because I’m up, that’s why you’re up. Any more questions, morning-breath? –signed, the dog.
Mon Jul 12, 2010

I chew, therefore I am… If it falls to the floor, it’s MINE! –signed, the dog.

Sat Jun 26, 2010

I just went 0-for-4 in the Table Scrap Toss event. I’m a disgrace to my race. –signed, the dog.
Sun Apr 2, 2010

Actually, I’m dribbling. Not drooling. There IS a difference you know. Dribbling has a much lower saliva content. –signed, the dog.
Thu Apr 01, 2010

You can call me an ungrateful cur all you like, I’m not going to love you any less. Lick, lick. –signed, the dog.
Wed Mar 31, 2010

I’ll pee when I’m ready to pee, and when I find the perfect spot. Telling me "hurry up" is not going help either of us. –signed, the dog.
Tue Mar 30, 2010

Dude, it was a CAT, I had to try. It’s what I do. That arm should pop right back in the socket. –signed, the dog.

Thu Mar 25, 2010

I’m really more of a licker and a farter, than a boxer. –signed, the dog
Sat Mar 20, 2010

Dude, thanks for picking up my poop. I’d do it myself but, you know, no thumbs… –signed, the dog.
Tue Mar 16, 2010

Never mind what that used to be… it’s gone now, that’s all you need to know. –signed, the dog.
Sun Mar 14, 2010

If I test positive for curry, you’ll know you didn’t sterilize the container for long enough. –signed, the dog.
Fri Mar 12, 2010

Well, if you don’t like my bony elbow in your kidney, maybe it’s time you got up. –signed, the dog
Mon Mar 01, 2010

Then don’t think of it as kissing, think of it as me tasting your face. Still no, huh? Fine. –signed, the dog.
Fri Feb 19, 2010

Are we really going for a walk, or are you just yanking my chain? –signed, the dog.
Sat Jan 23, 2010

Why yes, I AM ignoring you. I just didn’t think "Farty McPiss-Bag" was a name I should respond to. –signed, the dog.
Sat Jan 02, 2010

Thanks, but I don’t need the whole bed, just the part where your legs are… –signed, the dog.
Fri Jan 01, 2010

Signed, The Dog (Complete Collector’s Edition)

He's badd, yo Presented for your amusement, and/or for you to poop on, the complete collection (to date) of “Signed, the dog” tweets… hehe… I said “dog tweets”… by which of course I refer to all the Twitter posts made from the perspective of an idealized amalgam of our various dogs… (the dates link to the original Twitter entry)

Why yes, I AM ignoring you. I just didn’t think “Farty McPiss-Bag” was a name I should respond to. –signed, the dog.
Sat Jan 02 16:53

Thanks, but I don’t need the whole bed, just the part where your legs are… –signed, the dog.
Fri Jan 01 16:38

“Walk this way”? If I could walk THAT way I wouldn’t NEED the other two legs. –signed, the dog.
Thu Dec 31 17:08:

What d’ya mean “if you were a font, you’d be Dingbat”? What a thing to say. I resemble that remark. –signed, the dog.
Tue Dec 29 21:14

Rabbit poop? I don’t know… tastes a little like chicken… –signed, the dog
Thu Dec 17 21:42

Lucy shakes it off

It’s called “Making Flippy Floppy”, not “Give Your Head a Shake” –signed, the dog, a Talking Heads fan apparently.
Thu Nov 12 21

Okay, can I kill him AFTER he’s finished installing new outlets in the garage? –signed, the dog
Thu Nov 12 15:59

I don’t care if there’s downstairs water… I’m thirsty for UPSTAIRS water. –signed, the dog.
Wed Nov 11 23:23

Stay for how long, exactly? The trouble with “stay” is there’s very little wiggle room. I’m all about the wiggle room. –signed, the dog.
Mon Nov 09 15:31

What, I should not do that now, too? I thought you meant I should not do that, just at that moment… –signed, the dog.
Mon Nov 09 05:33

Dog vs Ball

Hey, it’s MY tennis ball hanging from the garage ceiling: my first thought was not “parking aid”, it was “YAY, NEW GAME” –signed, the dog.
Thu Nov 05 23:01

Dude, just open the door. You can stay here. I’ll take mySELF for a walk. No big deal. –signed, the dog. (umm, no)
Wed Nov 04 03:11

Who you callin’ a son-of-a-bitch? Oh yeah. Never mind. –signed, the dog.
Wed Oct 28 18:47

Thanks for putting down that freshly laundered rug… for me to poop on! –signed, the dog (who thinks he’s “Triumph the Insult Comic Dog”)
Mon Oct 26 01:43

Where’s the Smell Key on this thing? Trust a human to design a keyboard with no Smell Key. How do I type smells? Jeez… –signed, the dog.
Sun Oct 25 03:08

Come ON, let me post something, I promise it won’t be about you, kibble boy. Trust me, you’re not that interesting. –signed, the dog.
Sun Oct 25 02:19


My Indian name is Buttsniffer. –signed, the dog.
Tue Oct 20 12:51

PLEASE don’t pave the gravel zone! There’s a reason they call it PEE gravel. They don’t call it “pee cement” now do they? –signed, the dog.
Tue Oct 20 01:51

I’m licking your elbow ’cause I can’t reach your face… now get down here and gimme a big kiss! –signed, the dog. [um, no, but thanks]
Mon Oct 19 18:21

How do I know? I just KNOW, that’s how I know. It’s noon, so make with the lunch already! –signed, the dog.
Mon Oct 19 15:46

I vant to leeek your face. Leeek. Leeek. –signed, the dog, in his best Boris Karloff voice.
Mon Oct 19 00:45

Because nice things are boring. THAT’S why I wreck everything. –signed, the dog.
Sun Oct 18 21:27

Ruth, Ruth, Ruth Ruth. –signed, the dog.
Sat Oct 17 22:11:

Boundaries? Personal space? Sorry, not familiar. –signed, the dog.
Fri Oct 16 16:24

As a matter of fact, I DID enjoy my dinner. Life’s too short to slow down for CHEWING, is all. –signed, the dog.
Thu Oct 15 22:46

I got chunks of guys like you in my STOOL. –signed, the dog. (Also Phil Hartman as Frank Sinatra on SNL)
Wed Oct 14 05:07

Er, no, I don’t think I WOULD like it if I stepped in YOUR poop for once… but thanks for asking. –signed, the dog.
Tue Oct 13 03:47

Guard Duty

No, I do NOT find it ironic that I’m standing guard while sitting in a chair. –signed, the dog
Fri Oct 09 21:19

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: I’m not deaf, I’m ignoring you. –signed, the dog.
Thu Oct 01 17:14

Don’t even TRY to figure me out… I poop, therefore I am. –signed, the dog.
Wed Sep 30 19:00

Strange people poking and prodding, shining lights at you… today I got my eyeball swabbed. I love going to the vet. — signed, the dog.
Tue Sep 29 19:41

If I could “walk that way” I wouldn’t _need_ the extra two legs… badda-boom… signed, the dog (who thinks he’s a comedian).
Tue Sep 29 15:56

I’m NOT afraid of thunder! I’m playing the “stick to your leg” game.Wait, don’t leave!! –signed, the dog.
Tue Sep 29 01:42

She rang the doorbell!! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! — signed, the dog.
Mon Sep 28 14:25

No, it’s not a political statement, I’m just clearing my throat: barack…barack… –signed, the dog.
Mon Sep 28 00:22

Deep Thoughts

I’m not drooling, I’m dribbling… there IS a difference you know… –signed, the dog.
Sun Sep 27 21:21

I lean against you, you shift over, I slide down to the warm spot where your butt just was… works every time! –signed, the dog.
Sun Sep 27 17:02:

Okay, maybe I DON’T know my ass from your elbow… that’s why I need to lick them BOTH… signed, the dog.
Sun Sep 27 00:58

Well maybe your knee SHOULD bend that way. Anyway, it’s not MY fault you have a low pain threshold. –signed, the dog.
Fri Sep 25 16:12

Look, MY job is to push the couch cushions onto the floor, and YOUR job is to put them back. I’ve done MY part. –signed, the dog.
Fri Sep 25 04:43

But WHY can’t I put my butt on your pillow? It’s so COMFY! — signed the dog.
Thu Sep 24 03:47

I just want to smell your face. No tongue, I promise. I’m not lying this time. — signed, the dog.
Wed Sep 23 17:41

Tiger Sleeping

That’s a nice carpet. For me to poop on. — signed, the dog.
Tue Sep 22 18:59

I didn’t say I wanted to go out for a pee. I just said I wanted to go out. I’ll pee next time. — signed, the dog.
Tue Sep 22 05:47

You were outside without me? What were you doing? I’m gonna need to smell your shoes and your butt. –signed, the dog.
Sun Sep 20 01:17

Just give me the damn treat already and stop asking me who’s a good dog! — signed, the dog.
Fri Sep 18 02:14

Lucy on the Beach

Fave This Photo or The Flower Gets It

Funniest photo I’ve seen on Flickr in quite some time, and the first of someone else’s photos that I’ve blogged here for posterity. Just a brilliant counterpoint to the endless idyllic flower pics on Flickr (a few of my own in there too !!) Very “National Lampoon”!! Instant fave, as we say on Flickr.
Fave This Photo or The Flower Gets It